Discipline is the foundation that shapes habits, and habits, in turn, form routines,
ultimately defining who we are. The true essence of discipline lies in its ability to
help us do what must be done. For children, discipline is essential to their physical
and mental well-being, teaching them self-control, responsibility, and the ability to
differentiate between right and wrong. It also equips them with the tools to manage
their emotions and behaviour effectively.
Disciplining children up to the age of twelve is particularly challenging for both
parents and teachers. At this stage, children are moving beyond early childhood,
gaining a sense of independence, and encountering a multitude of new influences.
Balancing the nurturing of their growth with consistent discipline requires both
patience and understanding.
During these formative years, children interact with various figures in their lives,
all contributing to the development of their behaviour. Parents expect them to take
on more responsibilities, particularly with extended school hours and more
demanding academic workloads. Teachers require them to meet deadlines and stay
engaged in structured learning. At the same time, friends introduce them to new
games, trends, and social dynamics, further complicating their social development.
At home, neighborhood interactions add additional layers of learning through
shared activities and experiences.
Amid these diverse and sometimes conflicting influences, children are constantly
learning the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Although this stage can seem
chaotic, it is foundational to their emotional and intellectual growth. As they
approach the age of ten, having completed their first decade of life, they carry with
them the values, guidance, and expectations that will shape their future behavior
and personality.
Throughout this phase, it is crucial to strike a balance between discipline and
understanding, allowing children to navigate this confusing stage while fostering
their individuality and creativity. Positive and consistent interactions between
parents and children help children learn about consequences, take responsibility for
their actions, and practice self-monitoring.
The final two years before adolescence mark a pre-puberty phase where physical
appearance, hormonal changes, and social acceptance significantly influence a
child’s thinking and behaviour. It is during this period that parents may feel their
efforts to instill discipline are being tested. This is a delicate time when parents
must exercise patience and maintain open communication, reinforcing boundaries
while acknowledging their child’s growing sense of self.
Collaboration and patience are key during these years. Setting clear limits and
expectations will help your child understand acceptable behavior within the family
as they grow.
Methods that may help:
Involve your child in establishing rules and boundaries. When they feel heard and
included, they are more likely to view the rules as fair and adhere to them.
Be clear and specific about expectations. Ensure your child fully understands by
confirming what you’ve agreed upon. For instance, instead of saying, “We agreed
you’d come home after the game,” try being more explicit: “We agreed you’d come
straight home after the game ends, without going anywhere else.”
Discuss responsibilities with your child. For example, “I’m responsible for doing
what’s best for you, and you have responsibilities too, like completing your
homework on time.”
Agree on the consequences in advance if your child does not adhere to the rules.
This way, there is no ambiguity, and your child knows what to expect.
Use descriptive praise when your child follows through on agreed limits. For
example, “Thank you for coming straight home after the game.”
Be flexible and adjust the rules as your child demonstrates responsibility or as they
grow older. For example, you might extend their personal time if they consistently
fulfill both home and school responsibilities.
There are no fixed rules or one-size-fits-all methods for instilling discipline and
respectful behavior in children. It’s an ongoing process of learning and growth,
shaped by a positive outlook, to nurture the best in your children—God’s greatest
and best gift to every parent!
Amitta Engineer
Academic Counselor
White Lotus International School
