One of the key responsibilities of parenting is teaching your child how to behave, a
process that requires both time and patience. Employing various techniques to
instill discipline can help parents discover effective, healthy strategies and identify
which methods work best for their child, yielding positive outcomes.
Here are some positive discipline strategies that encourage children to manage
their behavior, stay safe, and foster healthy development:
- Role Model Behaviors: Teach your children the difference between right and
wrong through calm words and actions. Demonstrate the behaviors you want to see
in them. - Establish Boundaries: Set clear and consistent rules that your child can follow.
Explain these rules in simple, age-appropriate language they can understand. - Enforce Consequences: Calmly and firmly explain the consequences of
misbehavior. For instance, if your child doesn’t pick up their toys, let them know
that the toys will be put away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through
immediately. Don’t give in by returning the toys too soon, but ensure you never
take away essential needs, such as meals. - Listen and Observe: Listening is crucial. Let your child finish speaking before
offering help or a solution. Pay attention to patterns in their misbehavior, such as
aggression, and discuss these observations with your child instead of immediately
imposing consequences. - Give Them Your Attention: Attention is the most effective tool for discipline.
Use it to reinforce good behavior and discourage undesirable actions. Remember,
every child craves his parents’ attention. - Acknowledge and Praise Good Behavior: It’s important for children to
understand when they’ve done something wrong, but it’s equally important to
acknowledge when they’ve done something right. Notice and appreciate their
positive efforts to encourage more of the same. - Be Prepared for Challenging Situations: Anticipate situations where your child
might struggle to behave, and plan ahead. Prepare them for upcoming activities
and explain how you expect them to behave. For instance, when hosting guests at
home, your child might feel left out and try to capture your attention by acting out
or being loud. To prevent this, anticipate the challenge and set clear expectations
with your child beforehand about how they should behave during the gathering.
Offer them alternate responsibilities or activities to keep them engaged while you
are attending to your guests. For example, before the gathering you might say,
“We’ll have some guests over today, and I know it can sometimes feel a bit boring
for you. I’d love for you to help me by greeting them politely and showing them
where to sit. After that, you can spend some time with your toys or coloring book
while I talk with them. If you need something, you can quietly come over and let
me know.”
By giving your child a role and preparing them ahead of time, you can help
manage their expectations and encourage positive behavior. - Gently Address Rule-Breaking: When rules are broken, especially by toddlers or
preschoolers, address the behavior with kindness but firmness. Here are some
strategies:
Gentle Reminders: “Remember, we don’t throw toys. Let’s keep them on the
floor.”
Redirect Attention: “We’re not running inside, let’s walk carefully instead.”
State the Rule Clearly: “Hands are for helping, not for hitting.”
Acknowledge Feelings, Then Correct: “I see you’re upset, but we use words to
express ourselves, not shouting.”
Encourage Positive Behavior: “Let’s wait for our turn. Taking turns is important.”
The goal is to reinforce the desired behavior without shame or harsh discipline,
turning it into a positive learning experience.
When disciplining your child, avoid spanking or verbal abuse. Spanking often
increases aggression and anger in children rather than teaching responsibility or
self-control. Yelling or using harsh words to inflict emotional pain or shame has
also proven to be ineffective and harmful. Even well-intentioned parents who are
otherwise loving can contribute to behavioral and mental health issues in their
children through harsh verbal discipline.
Ultimately, the foundation of effective discipline is setting boundaries with love
and understanding, not with anger or regret.
Amitta Engineer
Academic Counselor
White Lotus International School
